At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
