I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
