Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
