So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
