i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
