he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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