As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ugly people sure do ruin things
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
