So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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