You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
