like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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