it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
