I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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