Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
