his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
