Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
