3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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