It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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