I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
