Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I want a musical about memes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
