I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Randomize
