I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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