I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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