My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
