i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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