so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
