i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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