She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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