i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
