My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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