What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
