Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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