you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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