coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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