He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The air was thick with penises
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
