I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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