New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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