I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's Friday. Sex?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
