You can't motorboat a personality
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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