This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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