dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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