yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
