I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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