the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
