Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
