Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
