I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
