That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
