I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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