some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
