So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just high enough for therapy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
