just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
